I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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