I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
