He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
