Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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