no, he came in my armpit
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
