You surviving the open bar?
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If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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