I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
