this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
