I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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