i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
