Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he wants to bone in the snuggie
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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