My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
