If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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