Nicole vs. Life
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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