Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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