My sheets look like a crime scene.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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