i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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