i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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