you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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