how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
