Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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