Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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