my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
