Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
