i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
