You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
