It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
