you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
