and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Randomize
