She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
