hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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