can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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