guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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