At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
