Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
