Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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