turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
