I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
