I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
