The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
