My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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