yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
