it's like iHOP with fire
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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