I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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