well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
