Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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