I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
a search helicopter?!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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