I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
