...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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