I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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