That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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