I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You ate ashes out of my bong
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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