Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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