I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
