Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
